Shit. Shat. Shot.

There was a time, well before pregnancy and  Grace and before I gained 50 80 lbs., that my energy level wasn't in the shitter.  I know that sounds crass, but my ever plummeting motivation resides just there.  Does this listlessness coincide with my return to work?  It doesn't really matter.  What ever is causing this total lack of vigor really sucks.  

I feel like I'm being pulled in 247 different directions.  I don't want to miss a second of Grace's little existence, but know I need to be working.  After staying home with Grace for 18 months, I relish the time I have away from the house.  It feels good to have the freedom and Ryan is supportive and appreciative of my drive to work.  But after a long day at work, I'm having difficultly finding the time and energy to do all of the fun Mommy/Daughter stuff that means so much to me.  Lately, I feel like DJ Lance of Yo Gabba Gabba has done more parenting than I have. 

There was a time, again well before Grace made her debut, that money wasn't really a huge concern of mine.  I didn't need much and haven't ever been overly concerned with the finer things.  It's no secret that child rearing is costly and I want the absolute best for Grace, by any means necessary.  I'm working two jobs now and Ryan is working his usual gaggle of jobs.  Truth is, it's a lot.  I'm gone before those two wake up and when I walk in the door, Ryan's off.  The door is constantly swinging and it's hard to catch our breath.

 My biggest fear is that I'm failing Grace is my efforts to contribute financially.  (annd I'm crying)  It has always been important to me to raise my kids.  I don't want a nanny and I don't want her spending more time at a day care than she does with us.  I want to do the finger painting, I want to dish out the snacks, and I want all the hugs and kisses.   We've avoided any type of childcare thus far and plan to continue on that path.  Trouble is, between the stress from work, insufficient sleep, and the constant financial struggles, I feel myself losing patience with the wrong people - Grace included. 


But, we'll carry on, realizing we have it better than most.  What other choice do we have?  If constant exhaustion is the name of the game, pass me the Red bull and set the alarm.  Grace deserves the world and we intend on providing it for her.  Until then, we'll pray to the Mega Millions fairies and keep on keepin' on. 

Easter!

I love this kid so much.  Seriously.  I can hardly remember how we got on without her.  She makes every part of our lives so much richer.  Without getting into too much boring detail, I will report that our Easter was amazing.  Grace was spoiled (as per usual) and we all enjoyed our day.  Here are a few shots from yesterday that I'm absolutely in frickin' love with.

 

G's got Scarlet Fever.

For the past 19 months, G has been the picture of health.  Aside from a cold or two and a diaper rash here and there, we've been pretty lucky in the illness department.  ((knocking on wood)) I attribute Grace's good health to up to date vaccinations and her OCD Mama, but Saturday night - we got our first real scare.  

Grace has had a rash for the past few weeks, starting in her diaper area and gradually spreading to her back/legs/chest.  I took her to her pediatrician a day or two after the rash presented itself and was told it was viral and to wait it out.  Over the next 10 days, it got a little better and what rash remained didn't seem to trouble her too much.  We assumed she was on the mend. 

Saturday, after a grueling 12 hour workday,  I arrived home to a seriously broken out little girl.  A sand-papery rash covered Grace's entire back and stomach and had moved onto her face. She was running around as usual and wasn't showing any other symptoms.  Her neck and back were red and her face was pretty startling too.  Ryan had to work that evening, so Grace and I were on our own.  We headed to my parents house and were met with a pair of very concerned grandparents.  At first I was hesitant to take Grace in, assuming that it wasn't anything serious, but after a brief Google session it became clear that Grace's rash looked a lot like Scarlet Fever.  In the moment, I didn't think to take a picture of what G's rash looked like - but here's the image that sent us on our way.

 

  At 9:30pm, we were off.  Pop, Grace and I headed to urgent care. 

The wait was brief and Grace was cheerful.  Every person that came in or out of the waiting room was greeted with a red faced smile and a jovial "Hi!".  By the time it was our turn, Grace knew she was in for it.  Grace HATES the doctor lately, and this visit was no exception.  After a thorough examination and a strep screen, we were on our way with Penicillin on tap for the next 10 days.  

Grace is doing great and is already improving after only 4 days of medication.  Grace's symptoms were not those of the classic strep throat presentation.  She had no fever and there was no indication of any throat infection.  We think that G's diaper rash progressed into Impetigo, a skin strep infection, ultimately leading to Scarlet Fever.  

As I said, Grace seems no worse for the wear.  Our little girl is a trooper and we're so happy we caught this before it got worse.  Looking forward to a nice Easter weekend, scarlet fever free. :) 

people I want to punch in the mouth

I'd be putting it lightly if I said I was a little short on patience.  As if not losing my patience with my toddler isn't difficult enough, I try desperately not to go off the deep end while dealing with the jerks around me.  Who are these jerks you ask? I'll tell you a little bit about them and maybe you can avoid them.

People Who I Want to SOCK IN THE FACE

#1. Everybody at Joanne Fabrics - and any other hobby store for that matter.  You'd think that with the stakes set so low, visiting a craft store would be a fairly enjoyable shopping trip.  You aren't at a gun shop stocking up on ammo for the impending Rapture or god forbid renewing your license at the DMV.  You're picking up yarn and a hot glue gun to complete you latest Pinterest project.  I'm not a terribly patient person as it is, but standing in a line 15 people deep while the granny at the front tries frantically to load their coupons off the smart phone they have no business operating, makes me want to fashion some malatov cocktails and go nuts.  They should have a special line for these cross stitching doofases.

#2.  People who count to 10, before turning left on a green arrow.  I understand being cautious; looking both ways is elementary.  But when you're in rush hour traffic, move it along.  You needn't adjust your Garmin, call your uncle, pluck your eyebrows, or count to 10.  Perhaps if you were sitting in a car that reeked of vomit, with a screaming kid in the backseat - you'd hasten. 

#3.  People who don't hold the door.  This includes the assholes who don't say thank you when the door is held for them.  I have a really difficult time believing that I'm the only person who was taught to say thank you, be polite, and hold the god dang door.  Are these unchivalrous assholes just lazy or don't they understand that us kind, thoughtful folks could just let the door hit them in the face? Treat others as you wish to be treated - or prepare to have a door slammed on your beak. 


#4.  Handicapped parking spots occupied by perfectly able jerks.  This one doesn't even directly relate to me, but irritates me none the less.   These choice located blue spots are designated for people who really need them, not the impatient diva who refuses to follow the rules.  Rules are in place for a reason, and this is one of them that really irks me when it is disobeyed.  I NEVER park in a handicapped spot and I sometimes even have a hard time parking in the spots next to the handicapped spots, for fear of a handicapped rush and lack of close parking.  To the annoying women and men who believe they're above the rule: Look out.  I am the handicap tag enforcer and will NOT hesitate to bitch you out for being a handicap spot scammer.  Come on back to section H where you belong. 

#5.  Bad Parents.  God I hate to criticize other people's parenting, and for the most part - I try to abstain.  But I cannot stand when parents let their children run a muck without any supervision.  Now that I'm back to work, I see it all the time.  Women will stroll in with their girlfriends, 5 tykes deep and let em' loose.   Kids are shrieking, food is flying, and I'm annoyed.  Finally - when the unsupervised children from hell decide to make a break for it and head out the door, the irresponsible women act like its our fault that their kids we're acting out.  Next time you go out of a girls lunch, leave the kids at home.  You suck at parenting. 

And that concludes the people I want to sock, at least for today.  Tomorrow will bring on a whole new slew of jerk offs who may be in need of a smack or two in the kisser.  

back to work blues

Now that I'm back to working almost full time, I find myself in a constant state of confusion.  It has been a while since I've had to deal with the pressure that comes along with working outside the home, and in conjunction with the n e v e r ending S T R E S S that is Motherhood, I am POOPED out. 

I'm almost always ready to crash.  With a 7am call time four days a week, sleep has become a distant memory.  I leave before the sun comes up and don't even get to say goodbye to Grace, as she is still snoozing.  I get to work as the sun is rising and count the hours until I can call Ryan and get my morning G update.  I feel so out of the loop.  I don't know if she woke up happy or what she'll eat for breakfast.  Does she miss me? Did she POOP!?

Fortunately I'm out by three everyday, so I get plenty of G time when I get home.  On my ride home last week, my Dad called me just to check in and see how his little Gracie was doing.  It broke my heart to have to answer "I think good.  Haven't seen her yet today.".

But work is good and the money is even better.  I keep telling myself that I'm not working for extra cash or to treat myself to mani/pedi's after a luxurious girls lunch.  I'm working for my little girl, and it feels really good to contribute financially.

And so, today is my day off and G and I are kickin' it to some Yo Gabba Gabba.  It felt good to feed her breakfast and I even enjoyed changing a seriously shitty diaper.  Back in the Mama groove til' tomorrow and loving it. 

My kid smells like a dirty hippie.

G smells like a dirty hippie.  Stereotype?  Maybe.  But seriously. My kid smells like she just got done clambaking a Volkswagon at a Grateful Dead concert.  The culprit?  Earth Mama, Angel Baby - Bottom Balm.

Grace's bottom has definitely seen better days.  We took her to the doctor last week about a little rash she'd developed along with a pesky diaper rash that wouldn't bugger off.  The doctor used one of the most irritating words in my parental opinion and told me it was 'viral'.  Viral - the blanket term used for seriously annoying things that they can't help you with.

And so, after investing in every type of butt cream, balm, and salve we could find - I decided to take a trip to the local health food store and get in touch with my inner naturalist.  As researched by G's Na Na, Weleda baby cream and Earth Mama got rave reviews.  $30 later, my little lady is running around nude and reeking of patchouli.  

G is snoring now, fast asleep in upstairs.  Her bottom is soothed and she is resting peaceful.  The smell of patchouli and jojoba oil is soothing and makes me feel a little less crappy about her sore little tush.  Hoping this stuff does the trick! 

Erin go baby

It's been over a week since I've posted, but not without good reason.  We've been busy!  I started a new job last week and am sloooowly getting back into the groove of rising before the sun.  It is difficult leaving the house before Grace even wakes up, but it's wonderful coming home to her.  In other unremarkable news, Grace has a seriously rough diaper rash.  This diaper rash perfectly coincides with my return to the workforce, thus sending me into a spiral of mommy guilt.  Oh the delight of feeling like total shit. 

But today, Ryan and I both had the day off and wanted to make the best of it - red bottom and all.  Years ago, he and I could have been found at the local pub, hanging with our buddies and drinking green beer.  But today, we took our little Irish girl to the petting farm for some real fun.  I speak for both of us when I say that this year beat the hell of out of the latter.  


Getting back on the blogging bandwagon this week hopefully.  We have a ton of pictures of G playing outside now that it has finally warmed up!  Here's a peek at Grace down on the farm.