It has been SO long since I've written. I barely remembered I had this blog. It is currently midnight on a Thursday night and you're upstairs reading books to John-Boy (you're favorite mangy, vanilla scented stuffed dog), up way too late. But I love to hear your little voice up there just talking away.
You'll be three soon, in just a few more months. I barely recognize you these days. My baby is officially gone, and so is most of my toddler. You're so beautiful, I could just stare at you all day. You're hilarious too, which might even beat the insane cuteness you've got going on. You're brilliantly mischievous and always getting into some sort of trouble. Dad and I spend a lot of time saying "No, Grace!". You have your Dad wrapped around your little finger. He is so into you, Grace. I can tell how proud he is of you everyday. You're his pride and joy!
We just got back from an awesome trip to Florida to visit your Grammy and Grampy. You had a blast! Between the pool and the ocean, you were a little fish! You weren't nearly as fearful of the ocean as I thought you would be (you get that from me - Mama loves the ocean). You took off running towards to waves and never looked back. The trip flew by, but we had some unforgettable times.
I'm worried I'm making you a worrier like me. You caught me freaking out about a few spiders on the ceiling in the bedroom and have been totally petrified of them ever since. You woke up at 6am today, hysterical babbling over "ants, spiders, and birds in your hair!". And it hasn't stopped yet. I feel terrible.
I'm slowly accepting that I will never feel like I'm doing a perfect job at motherhood. This is the hardest job there is. The stress is unrelenting and the pressure to always do the right thing is totally maddening. There are no days off and there isn't some sort of light at the end of the tunnel marking a job well done or a well deserved break. You just keep on keeping on and pray that you stay safe, healthy, and happy. It isn't all stress and pressure, though. The pay off comes in hugs, "i love you, mommy"'s, and the sweet snoring of an exhausted little girl, tired from a hard days play. Those are the things that make me feel less guilty about feeding you a happy meal or skipping a bath here and there. You're doing just fine!
I haven't decided if I'm sending you to preschool this fall or next fall. To be honest, I'm a little worried about leaving you. Oddly, I know you'll do fine. You're totally fearless! It's me who will struggle. I have a really difficult time letting other people look after you, out side of the family. I guess I just worry that the one time I take my eyes off you, something bad will happen and I'll blame myself for not being there. (See where the neurotic/worry gene comes from? Sorry in advance.)
You're Dad and I love you to the moon Grace, even if we seem stressed out sometimes. You are worth all the worry and stress in the world, and more.