back to work blues

Now that I'm back to working almost full time, I find myself in a constant state of confusion.  It has been a while since I've had to deal with the pressure that comes along with working outside the home, and in conjunction with the n e v e r ending S T R E S S that is Motherhood, I am POOPED out. 

I'm almost always ready to crash.  With a 7am call time four days a week, sleep has become a distant memory.  I leave before the sun comes up and don't even get to say goodbye to Grace, as she is still snoozing.  I get to work as the sun is rising and count the hours until I can call Ryan and get my morning G update.  I feel so out of the loop.  I don't know if she woke up happy or what she'll eat for breakfast.  Does she miss me? Did she POOP!?

Fortunately I'm out by three everyday, so I get plenty of G time when I get home.  On my ride home last week, my Dad called me just to check in and see how his little Gracie was doing.  It broke my heart to have to answer "I think good.  Haven't seen her yet today.".

But work is good and the money is even better.  I keep telling myself that I'm not working for extra cash or to treat myself to mani/pedi's after a luxurious girls lunch.  I'm working for my little girl, and it feels really good to contribute financially.

And so, today is my day off and G and I are kickin' it to some Yo Gabba Gabba.  It felt good to feed her breakfast and I even enjoyed changing a seriously shitty diaper.  Back in the Mama groove til' tomorrow and loving it.