Thursday, March 29, 2012

people I want to punch in the mouth

I'd be putting it lightly if I said I was a little short on patience.  As if not losing my patience with my toddler isn't difficult enough, I try desperately not to go off the deep end while dealing with the jerks around me.  Who are these jerks you ask? I'll tell you a little bit about them and maybe you can avoid them.

People Who I Want to SOCK IN THE FACE

#1. Everybody at Joanne Fabrics - and any other hobby store for that matter.  You'd think that with the stakes set so low, visiting a craft store would be a fairly enjoyable shopping trip.  You aren't at a gun shop stocking up on ammo for the impending Rapture or god forbid renewing your license at the DMV.  You're picking up yarn and a hot glue gun to complete you latest Pinterest project.  I'm not a terribly patient person as it is, but standing in a line 15 people deep while the granny at the front tries frantically to load their coupons off the smart phone they have no business operating, makes me want to fashion some malatov cocktails and go nuts.  They should have a special line for these cross stitching doofases.

#2.  People who count to 10, before turning left on a green arrow.  I understand being cautious; looking both ways is elementary.  But when you're in rush hour traffic, move it along.  You needn't adjust your Garmin, call your uncle, pluck your eyebrows, or count to 10.  Perhaps if you were sitting in a car that reeked of vomit, with a screaming kid in the backseat - you'd hasten

#3.  People who don't hold the door.  This includes the assholes who don't say thank you when the door is held for them.  I have a really difficult time believing that I'm the only person who was taught to say thank you, be polite, and hold the god dang door.  Are these unchivalrous assholes just lazy or don't they understand that us kind, thoughtful folks could just let the door hit them in the face? Treat others as you wish to be treated - or prepare to have a door slammed on your beak. 

#4.  Handicapped parking spots occupied by perfectly able jerks.  This one doesn't even directly relate to me, but irritates me none the less.   These choice located blue spots are designated for people who really need them, not the impatient diva who refuses to follow the rules.  Rules are in place for a reason, and this is one of them that really irks me when it is disobeyed.  I NEVER park in a handicapped spot and I sometimes even have a hard time parking in the spots next to the handicapped spots, for fear of a handicapped rush and lack of close parking.  To the annoying women and men who believe they're above the rule: Look out.  I am the handicap tag enforcer and will NOT hesitate to bitch you out for being a handicap spot scammer.  Come on back to section H where you belong. 

#5.  Bad Parents.  God I hate to criticize other people's parenting, and for the most part - I try to abstain.  But I cannot stand when parents let their children run a muck without any supervision.  Now that I'm back to work, I see it all the time.  Women will stroll in with their girlfriends, 5 tykes deep and let em' loose.   Kids are shrieking, food is flying, and I'm annoyed.  Finally - when the unsupervised children from hell decide to make a break for it and head out the door, the irresponsible women act like its our fault that their kids we're acting out.  Next time you go out of a girls lunch, leave the kids at home.  You suck at parenting. 

And that concludes the people I want to sock, at least for today.  Tomorrow will bring on a whole new slew of jerk offs who may be in need of a smack or two in the kisser.  

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  1. sound just like me!

  2. Oh boy I agree with EVERYTHING you said!! I know my son is a handful but it's up to me to watch him and train him, not just let him do whatever he wants when he wants. I don't understand how people don't get this sometimes... and the door holding thing? biggest.annoyance.EVER! Especially with a baby in town and people just slam the door shut as I'm approaching it. Really? haha

    Perfect post and great for a vent session :)


  3. Don't even get me started on #3! I live in a condo and I had my hands full with groceries. This guys that lives in the building purposely rushed to the door so he didn't have to hold it open for me! What a jerk? I mean maybe he had to go number two or something but whatever... he wasn't breaking out into sweats. And when I hold the door open for people and they don't say thank you... I purposely yell "You're Welcome!" at them. Just saying.




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