back to what matters...

It occurred to me today, while picking pieces of dinosaur spaghetti out of my daughters hair, how little time I spend doing things I want to do.  I'm not talking about going to the movies or the long forgotten ladies nights, but I'm talking about just relaxing and savoring the few moments in life that are truly enjoyable.  There are so few things these days that aren't a total drag, that it seems a damn shame not to take a second for myself and soak in the not so sucky.  

Lets take Grace for instance; my adorable two year old handful.  If only evident by the lack of blogging or baby booking I've done over the last year, I'd say I'm too busy for my own good.   I work 4 days a week, and have side jobs the on my two days off.   Family day is supposed to be Sunday, but I usually turn into a Momzilla well before noon.  Between grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, and the scant few moments of strained relaxation, I barely have time to stress the whole family out by cramming in a trip to the zoo or a play date at Jungle Hell Java.   The phrase "Well Grace deserves a fun family day.." always comes into play, typically right after a missed nap or a series of catastrophic bank overdraft fees.   By the time said forced family outing begins, everybody is pissed and Grace is giving me the "why are my parents so crappy" look. 

And tonight before bedtime, after a grueling day of last minute baking and preparations for this weekend's work commitments,  it hit me.  Flustered and annoyed, and ready to put this day behind me, I noticed how delicate Grace's little face is.  Her tiny little nose and pouty lips, and perfectly pink cheeks.  She won't be like this much longer; young and needy.  And as we exchanged our little goodnight rituals, tucking in each other with her beloved nene and a few  "eyyye luu you!"'s, I realized that this was the happiest I'd been all week. 

I can't be certain what the next few weeks or months will bring, but I need to be around Grace more and spend less time stressing things that aren't important.  I have the rest of my life to work my ass off, but G will only want to cuddle her Momma for so long.